I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
