Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
