Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize