Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
