did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
