holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
