the day after is always just damage control
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
