Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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