Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
