So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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