there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
