So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
