Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize