saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
accomplished twins. life is a go
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
