If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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