I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
