I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
