the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
