I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
