So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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