Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
