He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
