My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
