I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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