i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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