Swine flu is the new snow day.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
