I skipped work to stalk him.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
