Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
