he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
