No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
This toilet bowl is my home.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
