so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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