i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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