Too much gin, very little bucket
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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