im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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