maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
