My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
