is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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