we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
