rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
