she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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