I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
