Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
