you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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