I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
