just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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