Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
