They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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