that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
