she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
