my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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