ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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