Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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