The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
