my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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