Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
