Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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