Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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