So drunk its hurt
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize