their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
