I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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