ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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