"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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