you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
