so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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