i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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