I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
