we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
