Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
