i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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