Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
