i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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