I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize