if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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