Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
