im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Randomize
