I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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