i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize