Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
