Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
