just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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