There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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