U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
