i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize