Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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