i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
