What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
